oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
