If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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