Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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