I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
