you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
