Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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