Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
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