I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
