Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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