It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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