I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
