i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
