You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
