He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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