one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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