God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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