You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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