I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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