that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
