i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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