Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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