I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
please come you make the beer taste better
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
