Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
