I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I wish you could order shots online.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
