I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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