no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
