On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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