the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
