i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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