we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize