I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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