Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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