just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
They took my balls.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
