im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize