This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
