it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
