And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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