Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
