There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Sober January is a disaster.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
