There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize