my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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