I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
i need an iv and a liver transplant
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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