that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I don't deserve a penis
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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