yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize