No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
