naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
