someone get that fucking seahorse.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
she peed on how many people?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
