he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
