Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
