I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
