If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
The adults are the big ones right?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize