Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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