I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
