The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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