Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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