That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
