i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
