I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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