But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
