I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
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