True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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