I saw his package. It spoke to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I have aggressive nipples.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
