The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
