just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
