If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
