I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
