I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
