your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
You smell like stripper and shame
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Sober January is a disaster.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
