i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
