I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize