she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
