i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
