I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
