I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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