She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
